I know you have been waiting for this. You are wondering what my predictions are for the future…for 2014. So, here is the first one.
Obamagames– On the heels of Obamacare, I see new Federal Programs cropping up right and left. One, in particular, has to do with the lack of fans attending NFL Playoff games. Yes, that’s right. There are NFL Playoff games going on this weekend, and they are not sold out. Obviously, this is because there are too many people who don’t have access to quality NFL tickets. Shocking, I know. There are actually people out there who, through no fault of their own, can’t attend NFL games with their families. They probably can’t afford it. SO, in an attempt at fundamental fairness, the Obama Administration will implement a new program called “The Affordable Games Act ” or Obamagames. These tickets will be subsidized by requiring everyone, whether they like football or not, to buy an NFL ticket or face an IRS fine. Those who can’t afford it will be given a federal subsidy for their tickets depending on their income. They will also get a subsidy toward food, team jerseys, and beer at the games. We want them to enjoy the experience and not feel left out. The ticketless masses are thrilled!
In charge of this new program will be former congressman Barney Frank, because he has proven himself to be someone who probably knows little or nothing about football, much less professional football. He is also totally incompetent and looks good in ugly green suits. He does, however, live in Massachusetts, home of the Patriots. He also knows how to spend money, especially if it’s not his.
In order for everyone to get tickets, the administration has spent a lot of money on a new Obamagames website. The website will allow you to put in your ticket request, personal information, and then “shop” for tickets you like. The one caveat is that you may not know if you have a ticket when it is all over. But, that’s okay. The President has changed the law so that if you show up at the game without a ticket and can show that you actually TRIED to buy one, you can get in for free. The NFL will be expected to honor your request. I’m sure they will get a government subsidy for it.
What if you already have a ticket? Well, the President said ” If you like your ticket, you can keep your ticket. Period.” So, you are safe. Kinda. Maybe….or maybe not. Check the mail.