I have been hearing about it for weeks. It’s coming tonight. Like a big shark swimming in the water among unsuspecting swimmers, President Obama’s State of the Union is tonight. Can’t wait. Right.
So, during my run this morning, I thought about the State of the Union. I thought about what Mr. Obama will say and what he should say. I thought about the difference between what he, an incompetent narcissist will say and what a real leader would say. Then I had a great thought. Wouldn’t it be great if what happened to Jim Carrey’s character in the movie “Liar, Liar” happened to Barrack and he HAD to tell the truth tonight? THAT would be worth watching. So, I decided to put down my thoughts about Obama will say and what he would say if he had to tell the truth.
Part One: Here is what our Fearless “Leader” will say.
1. There is no debt problem. There is no spending problem. We just aren’t charging those rich people enough money. You know, the rich people making over $100,000 a year. The mean Republicans won’t let me tax them so they pay “their fair share.”
2. Sequestration is not my fault. I have tried to compromise by telling the Republicans that I will cut spending over ten years if they will only raise taxes on those rich people. You know, the ones not paying their fair share. They just don’t care if people lose Medicare, Social Security, etc. Republicans don’t care about you. I do.
3. I don’t want to take people’s guns. After all, I have a picture of me shooting skeet. You don’t need guns. We will take care of you. Think of those poor children. Keep thinking about those poor children. If you forget about them, I will bring them up to stand by me.
4. We don’t need to drill. We need more Green Energy. What don’t you get about that? I want to give more money to Green Energy because of Global Warming. Enough said.
5. I got a mandate. I got elected. Nanny nanny boo boo. Almost everyone in this country wants me to do what I want.
6. Amnesty. People should be able to come here and get free stuff even if they do it illegally.
7. The economy is looking up. That’s because of me. The unemployment is still the same. That’s because of Bush and the Republicans.
8. Obama care. Yeah!
9. I love the military. They are brave. Benghazi? That was awful. So sad. Not my fault.
10. I have the best and brightest in my administration.
Part Two: What he would say if he HAD to tell the truth.
1. I don’t give a rat’s ass if this country is drowning in debt. As long as I get to golf, Michelle gets to go on vacations, and I can redistribute YOUR money to people I like, I am happy. If the country crashes, oh well. I will be long gone. I don’t care if you earned your money, I don’t think you have the right to keep it. Hope, change, GET IT?
2. Budgets are boring. That’s why I haven’t done one. Besides, if I do a budget I may make someone mad because I will have to choose some things over others. Numbers, schmumbers. I also don’t do one so I can get sequestration to happen and blame it on the Republicans. Boo yah!
3. I am protected by men with guns. My family is protected by men with guns. Second ammendment? Pfffttt….when have you known me to care about the Constitution? If I want power, you can’t have guns. Of any kind.
4. Green Energy? What a joke. None of that stuff works. But, I have to figure out SOME way to get money to my friends. I can’t just give it to them, right? Global Warming? Yeah right. But it did make Al Gore a multi-millionaire. We can’t drill or frack. What would I tell my Arab brothers in the Middle East? Or Venezuala? “We don’t want to spend money on your oil.”? That would be bad.
5. Oh, yeah, that mandate. 38% of eligible voters voted. I got 51% of that 38%. Not exactly a mandate, huh? But, since I have the press in my pocket, I can say that because they will back me up no matter what I say.
6. Amnesty? That’s just another term for more Democrat voters. The more free stuff we give them, the more they will vote for us. What’s that? We will run out of other people’s money at some point? Oh, I’ll be long gone by then.
7. The economy sucks. But, because I run everything, I can say it’s better. So, you better believe it.
8. Man, I can’t wait until all there is is Obama care and you can only get health care from the government. Even then, it is going to cost most of you an arm and a leg. Suck it!
9. When I get done with the military, we won’t be able to fight our way out of a paper bag. Then maybe I will get another Nobel Peace Prize. I mean, martial law and one world order, that’s peaceful, right? Yeah, I slept through Benghazi and then covered it up. You expect the press to cover that? That’s funny. Wait till you see my civilian force. You know, the ones who WILL have guns.
10. Biden? Clinton? Hegel? Kerry? Those jokes are the most inept gang I have ever met. I have them in my administration because they are useful idiots. Biden is the best. I think he is drunk most of the time.
Oh, and one last thought. Constitution? Forget it! I gave up on that YEARS ago.
Now, off to my next golf game. Boo yah!